Confidence? How does one get it? Does it happen overnight? Why do some people struggle with it? Are some born with it?
A lot of people struggle with issues of confidence. I am one of those individuals who have struggled to find what I'm good at. I am also one of those people who treated what others had to say about me as if it were literally the Gospel. I cared so deeply about other people's opinions that I would question people about my appearance, my mannerisms, my speech, and various other things that didn't deliver me from the negativity that others said about me in the past. When people would compliment me, I would mentally dismiss it from the list of my imperfections. I used to be one of those people who could love others more than myself. I could love someone inspite of their faults and prevent them from seeing mine by constantly have an impenetrable wall around me. Not allowing people to get close made me extremely miserable. I couldn't receive love as easily as I would dispense it. However, during the middle and end of my college career,things started to change. I will tell you how that happened and will use various scriptures to add weight to what I'm saying.
In the first chapter of Genesis, created man for the purpose of serving Him. In the beginning of Creation, God said He wanted to create human beings in His image and Christ's image. He wanted us to shine His Light in this dark world. He wanted us to lack nothing, being fruitful in every good work, and freely come to Him to heal our brokenhearts (Psalms 147:3) and give Him the praise which He so rightfully deserves. However, before we find our identity in Christ, things begin to take root in our spirits as we live. The root of insecurity begins to take place when we play various roles in our lives. Some of us take on roles which are difficult to bear, live up to, and play all the time. Our spirits begin to dry up, the Light of God begins dim, and we neglect the gift the Father put in us (2 Timothy 1). God's voice can never be quieted. His word, His authority, and His kingdom are forever established. God spoke the first word and will speak the last word over everything and everyone. Many of you want me to cut to the chase with the note, and I will as you keep on reading.
I was reading 1 John 5 over the weekend. While reading the scriptures, I came across the verses saying how God's witness is more important than the witness of human beings. An attorney calls a witness to give an accurate account in open court which can either strengthen or weaken a case. Bear with me for a moment. A witness must tell the truth or be thrown in jail for perjury. When we seek the approval of an individual, we may not know if what he or she is saying is the truth or a lie. Constantly seeking the approval of people puts one on a dangerously unstable foundation. I was racked with worry about what others said me every second of the day. I would even worry about people's opinions as I slept. Doing that robbed me of a lot of peace. However, God and His word are true (Numbers 23:19). How can one trust the words of men over the Word of God (Psams 118:8)? That was my first point. We are to put our whole trust in God. If God is for us, who can be against us (Romans 8:28-31)? The wrath of men can't compete with the mercy of God. That was my first point.
My second point is going be hard for me to explain. I was bullied quite a bit in childhood until I went to high school. I was torn between two extremes. I would believe the wonderful words that my family, church family, and adults would say about me. I would even pay closer attention to the ugly comments that my peers would say about me. That put my spirit in such a dangerous predicament. I began to downplay what God gave me; I would use my faults to justify my feelings of unworthiness of being called God's child. I would read my Bible and hear Satan lie to me. The Devil would tell me that the Bible was meant for men who are the world's definition of handsome, smart, intelligent, likeable, the life of the party, and more important than me. The lie was told to me in 2005 before I left for Tech. However, there is safety in God's presence (1 John 5:18) since Satan is afraid of it. I began to pray harder than I did in years past. I began to seek God actively during my juinior year of college. I wanted to experience the wonders of God, His Spirit, His strength, His understanding, His voice, His deliverance, and receive the pleasures in His right hand (Psalms 16:11).
When I actively sought God in my daily life, some things had to be released. In Hebrews 12, we have to throw away certain things that are burdensome in our lives. It is difficult for us to walk in our appointed race while playing certain roles that have been laid upon us early in life. I asked God for His opinion for the first time in my young life. It was scary, because I always did what others expected Christopher Michael Hunter to do for the longest time. I was afraid that God would tell me to do something completely radical such as standing on street corners preaching sermons or join a monastery after I graduated from college. I remember Him saying in my dorm room, 'Chris, I love you more than you'll ever know. I'm here for you. Don't worry about pleasing others. I will lead you. However, you must kill your flesh, no longer listen to it, and follow My voice only.' I'm still a work in progress, but I'm going to let Him do the leading. Once I began to do that, I felt the crushing weight of people's expectations being taken off my shoulders. I felt free and still do. The journey still continues.
The journey went deeper for self-acceptance, self-love, and self-confidence. I asked God to show me how to love myself including my faults. We are not perfect which is something we all must accept. I remember deeply looking at my reflection recently. I saw the light of God shining through my eyes. It helped me to accept the imperfections I saw, deal with them, and not let them be on my mind constantly. I no longer saw myself as scrawny, acne-ridden, or insignificant. I began to see myself as a handsome and smart child of God who lives in an earthly vessel which is incomparable to a vessel not man with hands (2 Corinthians 4-5). How can one love God, show demonstrate it to others, and not love the man in the mirror? God is love (1 John 4:8) and not a Father who wants His children to hate themselves. He wants us to remain humble, grounded in His Word, and glorify Him in all facets of our lives. He wants to bless us, show others His goodness, and not sell ourselves short when coming to Him. God has the control and it's His voice that I seek daily rather than the approval of man. I am not a preacher nor am I perfect. I strive for it and I do the best that I can. I no longer care what people have to say about me whether it's good or bad.
I hope that you all find comfort in this note. It took a long time for me to write it, but God gave me the words to post this on the Internet. I pray that is note is a blessing and will deliver those of you who feel pressure to play a role for the world. We can't serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). God's words are final and are worth more than others.
Monday, October 5, 2009
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